O Captain, my Captain!

I am a little stressed out by the expectation that has been laid out to me with regards to this year's PSLE results. I'm taking the graduating class and based on the pupils' standard, I have a some miracles to work. I strongly believe that as long as the kids have tried their best, I will be thankful, eventhough it's not 'inline' with what the powers that be is expecting of me....but hey, that's part and parcel of working in an organisation right? Expectations and stresses? It's all about knowing how to manage it.

There was certainly no short of challenges in my previous organisation. So after I had taken some time off from the service, reflected on what went on, I felt that I had made some self discoveries. I realised that confrontations are not as effective as they are touted to be, even if the person you confront has been irritating the crap out of you. For example, once, I yelled at a colleague who had blatantly accused me of misplacing a cd of which existance I know not of. It was eventually revealed that it was another colleague that had kept and apparently forgot about it.... Falsely accused I was right? Sure.

But what people remembered was that Zak had shouted at this 'small old lady'. Nevermind that she had accused me, nevermind that she never apologised for doing so, nevermind that she has been doing so over and over again. It was that I had shouted at her was what people remembered. Being smaller, literally, and older than I was, she naturally garnered the sympathy votes. Since then, I tried very had not to react to her or acknowledge her, which was difficult given that she was the head of my department. Naturally when the husband got posted overseas, I was only too happy to leave and be rid of this great source of stress for me.

When I came back from leave, I was posted to a different organisation. While I was not too keen on starting anew in the friends making department and that I'd miss my old friends tremendously, on hindsight I'm glad I'd been given the opportunity to experience something different. I said to the husband that I'd take whatever experiences I had from the previous organisation and apply it to the new place. I'd take whatever I've learnt to do or not, and apply it there. All, of course, in an effort to reduce the stress that I know will come my way soon enough.

Never in a million years would I have thought to prepare for the new and improved version of that great source of stress I had left my previous organisation for. Each day is a little battle for me. I seriously have no idea how much of stress I can tolerate. But I truly believe in the fact that HE will not test me with what I cannot handle. So God Willing, I will try to endure this and come out of it with a lot of grace. *cross fingers*

Write or BUST!

I have to start writing again. Although I have piles of compos to grade. Although I have piles of worksheets to mark. Although I have lessons to prepare for. I just have to start writing again. Otherwise, I will explode. It will not matter if nobody reads my posts, but write I must.

Isn't it a Wonder?

A reason why I had abandoned this blog of mine was that I began to wonder whoever actually reads my cleverly crafted words....even if I have to say so myself. Hah! Then I thought, does it really matter that no one reads it? So I have decided that I shall continue to write as a means to let out that which cannot be said in words. Ya?

An Attempt At Ressurrection

Busy, I have been. Abandoned life...or something like it, I have. So it is with great ambition that I have decided to attempt to breathe some life back into this pages where I rant and rave... Come on this journey with me, won't ya?

We're back in Sg. Alam got the golden handshake. Actually it wasn't golden, in fact there was no handshake at all. There was only an immediate notice, after which he was promptly accompanied out of the building. Security reasons, they said. They were so lucky it was Alam they were handling. If it had been yours truly, some tables would have been banged and some colourful expletives would definitely have come out.

Oh well. So after packing up our stuff and settling all administrative matters and after a wonderful visit by the divine ms O, we flew back on what may be our last flight from HK for the time being.

I returned to service. Posted to Alam's alma mater. How's that for cruel irony? As Alam began his job hunt here, I thought, so funny life is lah... now table's turned and I'm working while he's resting at home getting the rest he deserves.

Now, after 5 months of being back, Alam has gotten a new job, I have semi adjusted to the groove of the new school. All things considered, life as I know it is back to normal...

Hot Stuff

Ok, ok, so I admit it. I hate the heat. Well, I like some heat. On a cold rainy day heat from a hot mug of coffee is wonderful. On a cold winter's night, heat from the hug of a loved one is heavenly. BUT the heat we are having now is just painful. Look at the poor bloke waiting for the bus in the picture. I took this not very much of a picture while standing at the window having an internal debate as to whether I should go to the supermarket to buy the pangasius fillet to prepare and serve with my fried rice for dinner... Can you see just how hot it bloody is?? It seriously is not the kind of sunshine you'd want to bask yourself in and feel it's warmth hug you and make you feel oh so good. Seriously.

Now, it's great to have a nice rosy glow on the cheek and a wonderful tan on the skin, no? Unfortunately, yours truly have retarded skin. It doesn't tan, it burns. Not the burning that indicates that you've been spending days on the beach and surfing in the sea, but the burn you get when you've been charred in a fire. Ok, so I'm stretching it a bit, but you get the idea. I don't become a healthy red, I turn black. Not only that, my skin retains all the heat it has absorb and stores it for a long, long, long time. For instance, I firmly believe that I can still feel the heat I subjected myself to when I went to the market last thursday. I kid you not.

www.hko.hk today indicated that the temperature today is 33 deg. Scorching. How did I survive so long living in Sg? I think Sg is very humid and that allows the body to sweat and have a natural cooling mechanism. Incidentally, I don't like to sweat, which is probably why I'm fat. In Hk, it's relatively dry, which explains why my lips are cracking all the time, so not much of sweating goes on. At least from what I see of the HK-ers. Also, back in Sg, more often that not, I'm usually in a classroom which is well ventilated or in the staff room which is airconditioned so it wasn't too bad.

I cannot wait for the weather to cool off a bit. Last year, it was only this hot in August. This year it started in July. So hopefully, the cool will start earlier too? *Keeping fingers crossed*

Oh, in case you were wondering, pangasius is a fish. Depending on which continent from which it was caught, I could either be eating a catfish or a shark.

Rest Well

Some close friends of ours suffered a loss recently. One of the beloved pet had passed on. I hope they find the strength within themselves to one day remember that wonderful feline that had brought them many laughs without feeling too sad. Our thoughts are with you guys.

I'm reminded of when I lost my cat. Baby, I called her. She was most gentle and beautiful but very standoffish..:O) Her expressions most days said only one thing, which was, 'you can look at me, I'm beautiful, I know, but please, do not touch me..' I swear I saw her rolling her eyes once...

I saw her last when I went back to Sg for a visit in May 08. She subsequently passed on on Sept 11th the same year. A drama queen right till the end, even the date that she left was dramatic. I miss her much. She was always there when Alam worked late and he worked late plenty. She was always there when I had to stay up through the night to work on assignments or last minute projects. She was always there. Unconditional love. She'll come alive when she heard her can of food being opened, or when she found a new toy to play with. When she was older she was just happy to be sprawling around doing absolutely nothing. Baby was very old for a cat. She was at least 20. That's super old apparently. Cats' life expectancy is usually 13-15 years. My Baby had lived a long life. She was the source of endless laughter for me and my family. I liked it when I thought she was missing and would more often than not, find her in one of my bags...:O) I liked it when Hari Raya neared, and me and mak were making the ketupats, she'd be busying herself with lying on the leaves and Alam would tease her with the vein of the leaf....Good times.

Well, my dear Baby, rest well. We'll meet again one day, you and I. Till then, Sayler'll keep you company.

Back From The Dead - Again!

And so it is that I have had mixed feelings about abandoning my blog. To close or not to close. Then I thought, if I did, I'd miss writing, surely... So, what the heck, let's give it another go, shall we? :O)

Since I had last dusted myself off, plenty of things have happened. Some good, some really really not, so good. The worst was, I had another miscarriage. I was 12 weeks pregnant. Saying that seems really strange to me. I have been pregnant but nothing to show for it really, other than plenty of pills attempting to soothe my pains. Can they? Really? Soothe my pains? The physical pain, it definitely does but other than that.... Time heals everything?

I have been thinking a lot lately about my life. About how it has come to be what it is today. I have been thinking a lot lately about my family. About how it has come to be what it is today. I have been thinking a lot lately about Alam and I. About how we have become what we are today. And what have I come to realize? That nothing we expect actually really happens. That nothing we plan really goes the way we do. That the only thing we know for sure is that LIFE is one hell of a ride and all we can do is enjoy it, with all it's ups and downs, all the while being there for the ones we love.

Which brings me to my next point.

I have grown up with the concept of unconditional love. Especially when you are a family. To me, as long as you are a part of a family, you'll always be loved, no matter what you did or did not do, no matter who you were and what you've become. I have learnt in the hardest of ways that this, isn't always the case. See what I mean about things not being the way we expect them to be?

I had expected that family are the only people that I'd be able to count on for ANYTHING. I had expected family to be there for me when I was down, just as I would for them. I had expected family to be happy for me, celebrating my successes, just I would with them. I had expected family to love me, just as I would, them. I certainly did not expect family to say the things they did. I did not expect family to behave the way they did and I sure as hell did not expect family to be the selfish, ignorant, heartless beings that they are. Sure, they may not be my biological family, but I had thought the ties that bound us would actually mean something.

I'm naive like that.

And so it is that I have decided that I will move on. I'm getting over not having kids. I'm getting over a crappy family. I'm getting over selfish, ignorant, heartless bastards whose words don't mean shit to me.

Yayy me!

Back From the Dead??

Dusts self.......*cough* *cough*

Hot Hot Hot!

This warning was issued by the Hong Kong Observatory today.

It looks like such a happy logo, don't you think? Like something you'd see on the window of a shop selling ramen or something. I seriously AVOID leaving the house while the sun is out. You know, today the temp was registered at 34 deg celsius. But i think the intensity of the sunrays here is so very strong. Oh and it gets super bright too. Sigh.... last weekend, I went to the market. Guess what? I actually ran there and back. Ya, and yours truly have not been doing much, if not any, running.

While this warning is on, however, we are also put on the typhoon alert 1. You'd think that from 1 it'll go to 2 and so on till it gets to 10 right? But the warning starts at 1, goes to 3, jumps to 8 - at this point Alam doesn't have to go to work, then 10! That's a full blown hurricane. So wierd.Typhoon Nuri is predicted to hit HK direct this time, predicted to be much worse than the one that hit us a couple of weeks back. No matter what, I have my masking tape ready in case the alert jumps to 8.

I'm so, i don't know, excited? for lack of a more appropriate adjective that I had dreams about suddenly jumping out of bed and having to plaster the windows but my masking tape went missing!! Needless to say, I woke up hyperventilating.....sheesh!